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Biblical Satire


>>>>In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
>>>>England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
>>>>over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>>>>Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
>>>>good humans."
>>>>He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the
>>>>Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>>>>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
>>>>- but no Ark.
>>>>"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>>>>"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed
>>>>Building Regulations Approval because the Ark was over 30m2. I've been
>>>>arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
>>>>My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for
>>>>building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site
>>>>even though in my view it is a temporary structure, but the roof is too
>>>>high. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
>>>>The Local Area Access Group complained that my ramp was going to be too
>>>>steep, and the inside of the Ark wasn't fully accessible, then the
>>>>Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs
>>>>of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
>>>>passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would
>>>>be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>>>>Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
>>>>Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific
>>>>Interest set up in order to protect the owls. I tried to convince the
>>>>environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>>>>When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
>>>>They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
>>>>They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
>>>>inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
>>>>Then the County Council and the Environment Agency ruled that I
>>>>couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact
>>>>study on
>>>>your proposed flood.
>>>>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
>>>>Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
>>>>The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
>>>>only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience. To make
>>>>matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm
>>>>trying to
>>>>leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>>>>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
>>>>finish this Ark."
>>>>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
>>>>stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
>>>>you're not going to destroy the world?"
>>>>"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."
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