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Does anyone get crazy urges.............

timbott

Posting Guru
Does anyone get crazy urges that are likely to lead to a hell of a row or even a damn good beating:eek:

For years I have had this mad desire, when approaching someone in the street eating a bag of chips, to give the afore mentioned bag of chips and whatever a damn good upward slap and launch the food all over the pavement, and the fatter the chip scoffer the more satisfaction I would get. I must stress I have never actually done this, this is why I am still alive, but I frequently get the urge:eek:

Lately I have developed a new urge. When leaving a supermarket and seeing someone who has just purchased a french stick, I would love to have the nerve to take the french stick from them, break it in to two pieces over my knee and hand it back to them:rolleyes:

Does anyone else get these sort of urges or do I just need to be locked away now without trial of summat:D :D :D

cheers, Tim
 
I enjoy the idea of spraying expanding foam into the mouths of people who publicly chew gum. It'd give them something more challenging to chew and would still create less mess than they do with that awful stuff. Does that count?
 
I enjoy the idea of spraying expanding foam into the mouths of people who publicly chew gum. It'd give them something more challenging to chew and would still create less mess than they do with that awful stuff. Does that count?

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D @ snagger.
I'd love to see that done with a certain Sir...football manager.
 
For years I have had this mad desire, when approaching someone in the street eating a bag of chips, to give the afore mentioned bag of chips and whatever a damn good upward slap
Years ago, in Chaddesden, an old mate of mine ( drunk as usual) asked a Lad for a chip, when he refused he pushed them into his face.

Derby Magistates didn't find it as amusing as Mark did, and he was fined quite a lot of money.

Chris
 
Yeah like going into the bank and while standing at the back of the queue shout out "Only time you get service here is when you come in with a gun"!!

Or tapping the shoulder of of those fattish girls who walk about with a jumper half on in -3 and saying " Could you tell me the price of Whale Meat at the moment!

Actually Tim I did something I`ve been dying to do for a while. You know those Chav track suits. I stopped on the way home one night for a Chinese.

Waiting in the queue with me were two of these guys with low and behold the whitest suits you could imagine. Acting sheepish I said that I liked the track suits and where did they get them.

Well.........they went into a big speal about the make and material......the labels and how much. Acting really interested I commented on how adaptable they were and asked what like the freedom of movement was.

They then proceeded to show me the movements they could do without hindrance. By now everyone was looking at us with open mouths. Staying deadpan I took my food
and bid them good night........Talk about Pishing yourself on the way home:D

Alex
 
To Steal all the dummies the ones clipped to babies coats etc really annoy me, just a personal thing but I've always hated them!

Before anyone shouts at me I know some babies need them!

cheers, Ali;)
 
Already had one brought a disco in the dark & while it was P*ssing it down. :eek: Looked great by torchlight looked at this morning and thought oh my gggggooooooodddddddd. What have I done? gonna need a few welding rods. :D :D
 
Already had one brought a disco in the dark & while it was P*ssing it down. :eek: Looked great by torchlight looked at this morning and thought oh my gggggooooooodddddddd. What have I done? gonna need a few welding rods. :D :D

Its`s true?
Alex
 
I'm currently (as in right now) resisting the urge to get in the Disco, and go along my street and drag in to the road all those cars that are parked half on or in some cases completely on the pavement which is, I should add, barely a car's width wide.
As a first strike I'm thinking about spraying "GET YOUR CAR OFF THE PAVEMENT" across the more persistent offenders' windscreens in something like shaving foam (non-persistnet but a bu99er to get off)
 
I'm currently (as in right now) resisting the urge to get in the Disco, and go along my street and drag in to the road all those cars that are parked half on or in some cases completely on the pavement which is, I should add, barely a car's width wide.
As a first strike I'm thinking about spraying "GET YOUR CAR OFF THE PAVEMENT" across the more persistent offenders' windscreens in something like shaving foam (non-persistnet but a bu99er to get off)

Give in to the force bob and come over to the dark side

Toilet paper soaked in water then throw huge handfuls at the cars. a Right pig to get off. If it gets nasty subsitute the water for paint stripper ouch
 
all those cars that are parked half on or in some cases completely on the pavement
I just see it as utterly pathetic that my neighbours can't parallel park so simply ride up over the kerb and plonk their vehicle symetrically abridging the kerbstones then look at you in that "Woss-a-madder?:confused:" kind of way. Either that or they think everyone else is as cr@p a driver as they are and thus need to leave a gap in the road big enough for a bus to get through.
 
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