Pogmahog
Trekker
>-The Baby Photographer
>
>The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>surrogate father to start their family.
>
>On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
>goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
>
>"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>
>"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>expecting you."
>
>"Have you really? "said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>know babies are my specialty?"
>
>"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
>seat" ;After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
>
>"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
>try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
>I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
>
>"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>
>"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
>
>"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>
>"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too.
>The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
>concentrate and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
>Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
um...equipment?"
>
>"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away
>"Tripod?"
>
>
>Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
>
>Mrs. Smith fainted!
>
>The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>surrogate father to start their family.
>
>On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
>goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
>
>"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>
>"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>expecting you."
>
>"Have you really? "said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>know babies are my specialty?"
>
>"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
>seat" ;After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
>
>"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
>try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
>I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
>
>"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>
>"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
>
>"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>
>"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too.
>The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
>concentrate and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
>Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
um...equipment?"
>
>"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away
>"Tripod?"
>
>
>Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
>
>Mrs. Smith fainted!
