Don’t know if there are any fishermen amongst you but I’ve been using Liquorish as bait lately and I’ve been catching all sorts . 
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Dumb joke...
- Thread starter Big Sandy
- Start date
Ever wonder why there is a fairy on top of the Christmas tree?
It all stems from on Christmas eve many years ago. Santa had had a really bad night, lots of blocked chimneys, presents delivered to wrong house so he had to go back to retrieve them, broken runner on the sled after a rough landing, peeing down with rain, foggy, lousy sherry, disgusting mince pies, even when there were sherry and pies. Rudolph was pissed and kept puking. Anyway when he gets back to the north pole, cold, wet and tired. Just after he has taken his coat and boots off, is making himself a nice cup of cocoa. The fairy appears and says, you know you haven't decorated your tree don't you?
To which Santa replies, I'll show you what you can do with the tree! Which is why the fairy is on top of the tree
It all stems from on Christmas eve many years ago. Santa had had a really bad night, lots of blocked chimneys, presents delivered to wrong house so he had to go back to retrieve them, broken runner on the sled after a rough landing, peeing down with rain, foggy, lousy sherry, disgusting mince pies, even when there were sherry and pies. Rudolph was pissed and kept puking. Anyway when he gets back to the north pole, cold, wet and tired. Just after he has taken his coat and boots off, is making himself a nice cup of cocoa. The fairy appears and says, you know you haven't decorated your tree don't you?
To which Santa replies, I'll show you what you can do with the tree! Which is why the fairy is on top of the tree
If you have a little, green ball in your left hand and a little green ball in your right hand, what do you have?
The undivided attention of a little green man!
The undivided attention of a little green man!
I’ve just thought of something if you were into boomerangs and got fed up with them you couldn’t throw them away .
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick
A stick
My uncle only has 1 eye the local council have just give him a job as a lollipop man .the spiteful bastards could have give him a job on a one way street .
That reminds me of a story by the late great poet Les Barker. Most of his stuff is funny, well worth looking up.I’ve just thought of something if you were into boomerangs and got fed up with them you couldn’t throw them away .
Sitting on the couch last night looking at the ceiling I thought to myself that’s not a bad ceiling but it’s up there
I was watching Australian Master Chef last night. Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered.
I thought… That's odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue
I thought… That's odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue
I used to have a bladder problem My ex girlfriend said to me we can work on it together I said to her there is no weee .
Now piss off .
Now piss off .
Have you ever taken a shit so big you need a midwife
I was watching TV the other night so I flipped over and all I could see was the brown cushions close up .
I think if I had an endless supply of money I would hire 2 private investigators and tell them to track each other ..